Have you experienced the time when you “shush” your child when she’s trying to tell you something? Or when your son tells you an exciting incident during school, and you went “well, ok…”. Or maybe you have even dismissed a seemingly wonderful discovery by your daughter with “Daddy got to work. Don’t bother me.”.

Very often, children feel that they are not being taken seriously. By being “shush” or pushed away, they feel even worse. This is especially true for the youngest one in the family, as she may feel that she is not heard or left out because she is always the youngest.

Oftentimes, in our busy lives, we can get so focused on getting things done that, in all rush, we forget even to look at our children when speaking to them.

It is an innate program of a child to need attention. If this need is not met, your child may start to do whatever it takes in the most creative manner to get you to look at them. That includes falling sick, misbehaving, getting into trouble, and so on.

Believe it or not, to a child, even unhealthy contact like being scolded or hit is at least a form of contact with their parents.

The fourth gift that you can easily give your children, but means the world to them, is therefore your attention to let them be seen, heard and understood.

When your 4-year old is trying to tell you the cartoon character is silly, laugh with her.

When your 8-year old son tells you that he got praised by the teacher for a kind act, congratulate him and reinforce his behaviour.

When your tween creates her first working volcano and wants to show you, ask her about the process of doing it.

Be there, so they can be seen. Be attentive, so they can be heard. Be involved, so they can be understood.

Tip: We all say we have no time. But this is no excuse. Purposely set aside quality time in your calendar to communicate healthily with your child. If you can squeeze in a 2 hour meeting with your client, you can do the same for your children. In the next post, you will learn a simple and effective activity to have exclusive time with your child!

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Jia Huey is a Life Coach who helps everyday people like you and me improve our lives in the areas of relationships, parenting, career success, emotional and mental health, psychotrauma, addictions, unhealthy repeated habits, and any areas of “stuckness” in our lives. She is especially apt at facilitating her clients to uncover what is actually unconsciously stopping them from achieving their goals.

Her work is based on Dr Prof Franz Ruppert‘s framework of Identity Oriented Psychotrauma Theory (IOPT). Dr Franz Ruppert is Professor of Psychology at the University of Applied Sciences in Munich, Germany. He gained his PhD in Work and Organisational Psychology at the Technical University of Munich in 1985.

Jia Huey has done life-changing coaching and life-empowering consultations for clients in Singapore and Manila. All of her clients have since found clarity, confidence and empowerment in their lives.

Jia Huey’s life mission is to educate more people in Singapore and Asia to be part of a safe and healthy community where it is okay to admit we are not okay.

The reality is that you are not alone; everyone has some issues however big or small in their life. However, in this day and age, many of us have grown accustomed to these issues… so much so that we have become numb to the stress and suffering that we had buried deep down, are currently experiencing, and will be facing.

The truth is, stress and suffering should not be a norm… your norm. There is really a solution!

If you or someone you know wants to have a healthy relationship or improve an area of her life, you can contact her at JiaHuey.lui@rhemaworks.com.

Keep a look out for upcoming talks and events at www.facebook.com/systemoftheheart.